its you and me against the world

♥Friday, September 19, 2008

I don't know whether am I still holding on all these while.
Vision is blurred;
Faith is emptied;
My destiny seems so cropped up.

I am small, &the world is big.
Everything is fast moving.
Everyone have to move on.

Nothing really went smoothly this year;
nothing to be really memorable about.
Nothing for me to hold on
neither for me to cherish.

All things happened in split seconds.
No warning, no signs &no reasons.
It has been long;months.
gonna be a year soon.

I realised it was my fault that day after.
I was horribly worked up.
I care, I rly was concerned.
That is why I flared; I walked away.
I didn't want to show any attitude in front of you.
I didn't want to see you, or else things could get worse,
plus with your re****s.
I waited outside the sch.
That moment, there was no time for me to organise my thoughts,
the outcome, which led to a bad end.

I was always rash with things, stubborn.
You were important.
The 3rd person in my life to have made such a difference.
now I handle things with more precise,
other than the recent problem with someone
which I had to rant.

You have yours now;but I don't have mine.
I do after yours, before yr newly attached.
Still I think I can't get over it. It seems.
I had to pretend.
That is not what my life should include.
Maybe that is why I can't get myself devoted again to another someone.
I can't hurt anyone anymore.
I can't bear to.
I really can't.

You were the one &only thing I really
wanted,cherished
to worked hard for,
cried hard for,
wished upon for,
pray hard for,
worried for,
to willingly give my last free time for.
Sacrificed my sleep numerous times
to stay up late to finish up anni-cards
no matter how tired, how busy I was,
how hard I had to think to design those cards
because I've ran out of ideas,creativity
after lots of months we have celebrated.
I never failed to give you.

except for the 17th and the first few months.
I made it for the 17th, but I tore it away
because something with a reason happened on that day of that month.
All I wanted was to make you feel special
rather than those not giving anything
and say thoughts in heart counts.
seeing you smile makes my day.

And those Chemistry notes, it was yr prelim if I've not got it wrong.
I stayed up to finish doing those notes for you to study.
It took me alot of my time.
It was midnight.
I could have watched my tv or slept through the night
and not bother anything about yr studies.
but I just couldnt take it off my mind and I have to do something about it.
For you. I did what I felt right as yr gf once.
Guess what, you said you did not need it in the end.
you didn't even bother to take it from me to show appreciation.
At least you could just take it away from me.
its okay.bygones.
I didn't blame you, I was just disappointed,
because after leaving 5 days for a camp, you appreciated me like never before.
And I know, and I really appreciate the efforts you put in.
That first and last ever letter you wrote. it melts my heart thoughout.
but I kept everything away, cause I know we were through.
and I believe you did too isn't it.

I listened out for wht you wish to have,
so that I can save and buy them for you.
whatever I say now makes no sense.

I really gave you everything I could give you,
but it seems that it wasn't enough for you to stay.
or to give me a chance.
I gave it to you, and it lasted years.
you did not, therefore it ends.

I threw aside my true character away so that I could get it back.
It was hard, cause that was not me.
It was atrocious,
but I was obstinate towards it.
but I came to a stop. I understand I had to.
you were vexed about yr life;yr future.
Though I wanted to continue, I've to let you go
so that nothing could further scar those last feelings left.
It was really against my will.
I really had to.
I don't want to ruin you.

Till now,
I kept telling myself I've given my best shot.
maybe. only maybe, I didn't felt any regrets.
I've shamed myself. not towards anybody.
I felt it myself, towards myself.

Before anything had happened,
during those days
I once told you that
I will just let go with no hard feelings if anything really happens.
but I was directed to a hellish period.
the worst;the darkest.
even thousands of pictures couldn't describe those feelings.
it sucks more than the first time.

but a single picture speaks a thousand words.
no. billion words about yr feelings to yr love.
I'm elated for you.
but I'm not to myself.
I've ruined it.
The thing I really wanted.

R-Rships.
why must it always just happened because of you.
2 times aft each time.
Only you know what I meant.
Don't you?

Its nice to know we had it all

but thanks for watching as I fall.

And letting me know we were done.

''假装什么伤也没有

的继续往前走

不够成熟;只是怀念你走以后

离开,难道真的是解脱

难道真的要试过坚强以后才懂''

I'm not expecting you to come back to me.
-------------------------
-------------------------
we always asked this question : [who love more?]
I knew from the start in my heart,
I love you more than you love me.
cause I love you more than I love myself though I never admit it.

smile Tiffany.
its over;get over yr feelings
right now, straight away.
everything will be really okay.
trust me.

Labels: she's all over the place

♥remember me with a smile at 8:03 PM