♥Thursday, July 31, 2008
school-ed.
self-studied.
bball-ed.
I dont like the feeling of being tied down
in a sense that I will have to report whatever I'm
going to do for the next hour,
for the rest of the day,
the day aft tomorrow, days after,
or even weeks later.
I know it is of a good purpose,
w/o any bad intentions within you guys,
&you all are trying to help me know God better.
I rly appreciate it.
But seriously right now,
I'm feeling the stress being given to me,
and I dont want Him to be the cause of my stress.
He should be the one giving me strength
to do what I want to do,
&letting me feel the peace.
I know He understands.
Now I feel that I shouldnt have took the step,
but somehow or rather,
just tells me that it isn't.
Nowadays,
I dont smile alot, &I dont talk alot when I'm in school.
sometimes &suddenly
my mood will go all the way down.
Of course, people will start thinking
tht something had happened.
yes indeed.
they will ask, they will question.
now I shall put my words in front,
I won't answer you.
I'm someone who plays alot,
who doesnt like to sit down,
loathes holding a pen, jotting notes down.
I rather draw, scribble words on my book,
vandalising my table &all sorts
I've a mentor at home, &she's the one I trust most above all.
&she's my purpose in life.
If attending or turning up for bible study or going to church
will take away my time with her,
or having a feeling of unwillingness,
I will not force myself, cause it isn't wht I'm looking for.
I would rather join her chruch,
at least she's with me,
she's happy, i'm happy.
I have alot of things to do, excluding watching tv.
Its just like ppl addicted to playing computer games,
or gluing their eyes&hands on their psp,
other than that, I really wnt to spend my time doing wht I want,
and making use of every second
without looking back ®ret.
Dont ask me out when I've said I'm not free.
I'm still a human.
not yr wonderwoman with full bar of battery.
who people might think that their Tiffany
should be like this.
I hate to reject people.
I do feel bad.
This made me want to terminate my line,
so that I will not be able to turn anyone down.
Dont tell me to slot meet-ups in between my schedule.
its impossible.
For instance,
let me show you one of my schedule,days before.
[slept at 23:00
woke up at 6:00
had P.E of soccer(I played with boys, not girls, so it's tiring)
lessons + bio till 14:45
gym-ed till 16:45
went home to acc my mum for awhile
went bballing at 18:00++
home-ed at 10 plus]
This is how I lead my life.
in 24 hours. standard
EXCLUDING extra lessons, self revision,
meeting up with my friends &doing stupid homeworks.
theres no more extra time slots for anything.
& I dont take afternoon naps. I dont waste time for tht.
For other days if I have extra time,
I will go home to acc my mum,
I cant do my homework because I love
to sit beside her, enjoying tv programmes together,
without having any books in front of me.
Even if my brother or my Dad is not at home
to snatch away the internet cable
due to first come first serve basis,
I seldom use it cause
I just want quality time with her.
That is why I've been watching tv all day long once I've
reached home.
Dont say I've been slacking,
cause you are not me &you dont know how much I can do for my mum
just to make her feel that she's not alone and I'm always with her.
There's still my best friend to spend time with,
basketball mates, my junior,
&other good friends &brothers for me to mix with.
I do not wnt to lose the friendship with them
because of unnecessary extra stuffs.
People want meet-ups. Okay, I meet.
cause in the end, I dont wnt to make use of people when I need them,
To me, I must give before I receive.
I've alot more to say,
but I do not wish to type any further.
its never ending.
I just know I need rest,
and time alone for myself.
sigh.
Labels: dont ask about my blog entries from now on
♥remember me with a smile at 2:43 PM
